The couple loved fucking and had four sons: Ritsaert, Writsaert, Adel Aert and Reinout . Their father knighted each of the sons and their mother for a laugh gave them each a horse. Reinout hated the fact his father had become such a pussy whipped horse lover and was so annoyed with the lameness of this present,  he killed the long face gluebag with a swift punch to the face.

Not content with the lousy gag, his mother gave him another horse, which he swiftly booted in the ovaries and it broke its loins right the fuck out.

Apparently though, cruising for bitches in Belgium means riding a horse, and in the following months Reinout went through a dry patch. He got desperate and picked the least douchetastic horse he could find, naming it Bayard; ironic really as Bayard is how you pronounce Sarah Jessica Parker in Dutch…

Reinout loved a good fight once in a while too. During a heated discussion at the court of Charlemagne, Reinout with one blow of his sword beheaded Charles’s son Louis just because he looked like a horse. Charles didn’t like them apples and Reinout and his four brothers were ordered to leave the kingdom on the back of Sarah Jessica Parker Bayard (hence the statue).

Unfortunately though, their horse loving mother ratted them out and they were swiftly captured. They were to have heavy millstones around their necks and were thrown into a river. The only possible chance of salvation was Bayard, but being a horse he was only out for number one and he sat neighing at the shore. Reinout drowned, much to the annual disappointment of horse hating Belgiums.

-FIN-

So there you have it. Belgiums cry at the sight of the big douchebag horse because the only epic hero their country has ever had died at the hands of a horse lover and wasn’t saved by the big ballbag horse they wheel out every ten years.

At least Reinout got to punch a horse in the face before he drowned so… perhaps you need a statue? Vienna has a couple that would be right up your street!