Use duct tape FTW!

Donkeys fucking Zebras.... whatever next!

This is what happens when you give horse type animals free reign on the farm… they fuck (well… rape…) like no tomorrow and create weird hybrids that look like some stupid, whiny, spotty, Emo 13 year old that thinks its rebelling against society by covering the cuts with some tights on their arms. Cunts.

Anyway…the trouble with this is the fucking horse people will be thinking now. Well, their spoilt fucking teenage daughters will be….

“Daddy… I want a horse with stripy socks, Daddy.”

“No Daddy, a pair of horses socks isn’t good enough, Daddy… I want stripy fur socks like the Zedonk, Daddy”

“Daddy, make the zebra mount Jezabel, Daddy…Please Daddy… I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!”

Etc etc.

It makes me sick.

The only animal that should be mating with horses, donkeys or zebras are lemmings so they can gallop the fuck off the nearest cliff, into a brick wall or into a giant bear trap and thus doing us all a favour by committing suicide as soon as fucking possible.

Zedonk indeed….

Created by Oatmeal

I know, I know…. Bieber isn’t a horse but he _is_ a cunt and a probable horse rapist. Plus The Oatmeal is awesome so the post counts……

…..stop looking at me and take the test already!

Perhaps if enough of you ask nicely, he could make a wicked bad ‘how many horses could you take in a fight’ quiz… aaaaask him! *shakes fist*

Hawke’s Bay police are searching for a “sick” gunman who deliberately shot a pet pony in the face over the weekend.

I’m not being fucking funny but if you’re going to shoot at one of the largest headed, unmissably ugly and douchiest creatures on the planet, at least have a bit of a practises first. This is twice now someone has completely missed the fucking target…

Azra, 28, was shot just below her left eye while she was grazing in an orchard paddock in Clive, 10km south of Napier, between midday and 4pm on Saturday, The Hawke’s Bay Today reported.

Seriously, if you’re going to risk a potential prison sentence (and a free t shirt of HorseHaterX) over your hatred of horses, have the decency to put the fucker out of its misery with a nice, clean headshot.

Here… I made you something…

Shooting Practise for Horse Haters

Next time, until you can consistently hit the bullseye from a safe distance, keep fucking practising. You’re ruining the good horse hating name and making us all look like little bitches…

Azra, 28, was shot just below her left eye while she was grazing in an orchard paddock in Clive, 10km south of Napier, between midday and 4pm on Saturday, The Hawke’s Bay Today reported.

Seriously, it gets fucking worse. Not only was it practically a static object, it was a pensioner horse to boot. Not cool dude… not cool….

Owner Trevor Hall said his daughter Samantha, 12, was very upset and almost fainted when she first saw Azra.

“Azra is the apple of my daughter’s eye. She’s an old pony, but she’s loved and adored, and has become literally like one of our kids. I can’t imagine how Samantha must be feeling or how she’s coping,” he said.

Eugh… then we’re reminded of the fucking horse people and their constant comparisons of horses and people. But its not people is it, its just glue in its raw state. Like the cocoa bean before its a bar of awesome chocolate. Bitter, twisted, ugly and the colour of shit.

“It certainly doesn’t look to be an accident. It’s very close range and appears deliberate.”

No fucking shit, Sherlock!

But really? Close range? This guy is the fucking pits. No t shirt for you in prison sir, you can make enough licence plates to buy your fucking own…

Cheers to Matt for hooking me up with the original article.

Fucking horses ruin everything....

Fucking horses. They know how to ruin ANYTHING… including 4th July celebrations!

A Fourth of July parade in eastern Iowa turned to mayhem on Sunday when a pair of runaway horses lunged into the crowd and trampled 24 people, many of them children. At least one person was killed, and several others were seriously injured.

If that was the UK, horses would totally be exterminated right now. Seriously, they would be currently being lined up for a nice trip to the “showers”, Auschwitz style. Unfortunately for the people in Iowa, they learnt that horses are massive, massive cunts a little too late.

The chaos took place when two horses pulling a buggy got spooked and charged into the crowd at the Heritage Day Parade, a decades-old tradition that attracts thousands to Bellevue, a town of 2,300 people nestled along the Mississippi River. Bellevue’s fire chief, Chris Roling, said the two horses, both at the rear of the parade, bumped into one another, knocking one horse’s bridle off and causing it to bolt, followed by the second horse.

Got spooked? Unlikely. This was premeditated without a doubt. Those fucking horses had been planning this shit for years!

“I’ve been doing this 35 years and I’ve never seen anything like it,” he added.

Thirty five years then that they’ve been planning it…THIRTY FIVE YEARS!

“This is just something that happens that we can’t prevent,” he said. “It wouldn’t be any different from an accelerator sticking on a car and running through the crowd.”

It wouldn’t be any different from an accelerator sticking on a car and running through the crowd….

…only there IS something we can do about it! BAN ALL HORSES! Problem fucking solved. No more ruined 4th Julys. No more dead people. No more fuckface horses. I see no issue here…

'Sheila, look at the teeth on THAT...!'

Seriously… take a second to take in how fucking awesome this sword is and the magnitude of pure horse hatred it possesses.

To quote Dennis himself:

Macuahuitl: “hungry wood”, essentially a wooden sword with sharp obsidian blades embedded into its sides. This was the standard armament of the elite cadres. Also known in Spanish by the Taino word “macana“. A blow from such a weapon was reputedly capable of decapitating a horse.

Holy fucking cock brigades! This sword is epic! To continue with this beautiful history lesson:

‘The macuahuitl was sharp enough to decapitate a man. According to an account by Bernal Diaz Del Castello, one of Hernan cortes’s conquistadors, it could even decapitate a horse: Pedro de Moron was a very good horseman, and as he charged with three other horsemen into the ranks of the enemy the Indians seized hold of his lance and he was not able to drag it away, and others gave him cuts with their broadswords, and wounded him badly, and then they slashed at the mare, and cut her head off at the neck so that it hung by the skin, and she fell dead.”

What a sword… what a mother fucking sword! I am currently unaware of any object of malice that possesses such a pure hatred for horses as this ancient Aztec sword does. That makes it THE MOST AMAZING HORSE HATING SWORD EVER CREATED!

Seriously…. if you happen to see one on eBay, you know where to shout….

Almost doesn’t look real does it?!

….

….another good reason to increase the speed limit around country lanes though…

But no…. I was greeted by the following, very disappointing image.

Lamest Man Vs Horse Event Ever...

Eugh… not only were there no pictures of brass knuckles meeting gluebag faces, it was an article about people racing in a marathon against stupid fucking horses to see who’s the fucking fastest… what a crock of bollocks!

Note to BBC/Organisers of said Marathon: if you’re going to advertise something as Man Vs Horse, at least have the decency to ensure it actually contains an event where douchebag horses are being pitted against Man, preferably involving nun-chucks. Advertising retarded events where people with nothing better to do with their time than run in the hills at the same time as the lamest animals in the kingdom does not constitute the need for the word Vs. Thanks in advance, Horse Hater X

So I live in Belgium, and there’s a town called Dendermonde.

Every 10 years, they have this huge event about a huge horse, there’s supposed to be some kind of legend to it.

But now actually 100 000 people come to see this shitty wooden horse, and they all start to cry once the horse appears.

I couldn’t find an English explanation of why so many people would cry at the sight of the horse, so I can only assume they know they’re not going to be the first one to punch it, like the hero of the tale, Reinout.A few Wikipedia pages later and I am now a full blown expert and can use my horse hating translation service to ensure you know exactly what Ros Beiaard is all about!

LEGEND

Ros Beiaard - Douchebag Horse

Aimone, Lord of Dendermonde , had some beef with Charlemagne, some pussy ass horse lover that used to write deranged letters to the only anti-horse print of the day which Aimone wrote for. It was only when Mr. Aimone married Alice, a niece of Charlemagne, that his problems stopped and he pretended to not hate horses any more just to get him some poontang.

Bat Horse? Are you fucking joking...?

Fucking Horse Cosplay. I mean, seriously… who thought it would be a good idea to dress a horse up like Batman? I mean we’re not talking a spare of the moment decision here. We’re talking about hours of measuring, sewing and fitting this fucker in this outfit. They even made it fucking shoes!!

Fucking horse people. They couldn’t leave cosplay to whiny 14 year old emo kids and fat perverts with a lolita complex… they had to put their own douchy spin on it, didn’t they. At least they picked the suitably lame 70s Batman and didn’t go all out to try and pull off a modern version. Christian Bale would’ve been heading down to punch it in its stupid fucking long face for ruining his gig if they had…

You couldn’t make this shit up, could you?! Fucking horse cosplay… *shakes head*…