Created by Oatmeal
I know, I know…. Bieber isn’t a horse but he _is_ a cunt and a probable horse rapist. Plus The Oatmeal is awesome so the post counts……
…..stop looking at me and take the test already! 
Perhaps if enough of you ask nicely, he could make a wicked bad ‘how many horses could you take in a fight’ quiz… aaaaask him! *shakes fist*
Tags: Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber Fighting, People Likely to Have Sex With Horses
There definitely seems to be some connection between hating horses and having a total inability to shoot a gun accurately…
I’m not being fucking funny but if you’re going to shoot at one of the largest headed, unmissably ugly and douchiest creatures on the planet, at least have a bit of a practises first. This is twice now someone has completely missed the fucking target…
Azra, 28, was shot just below her left eye while she was grazing in an orchard paddock in Clive, 10km south of Napier, between midday and 4pm on Saturday, The Hawke’s Bay Today reported.
Seriously, if you’re going to risk a potential prison sentence (and a free t shirt of HorseHaterX) over your hatred of horses, have the decency to put the fucker out of its misery with a nice, clean headshot.
Here… I made you something…
Shooting Practise for Horse Haters
Next time, until you can consistently hit the bullseye from a safe distance, keep fucking practising. You’re ruining the good horse hating name and making us all look like little bitches…
Azra, 28, was shot just below her left eye while she was grazing in an orchard paddock in Clive, 10km south of Napier, between midday and 4pm on Saturday, The Hawke’s Bay Today reported.
Seriously, it gets fucking worse. Not only was it practically a static object, it was a pensioner horse to boot. Not cool dude… not cool….
Owner Trevor Hall said his daughter Samantha, 12, was very upset and almost fainted when she first saw Azra.
“Azra is the apple of my daughter’s eye. She’s an old pony, but she’s loved and adored, and has become literally like one of our kids. I can’t imagine how Samantha must be feeling or how she’s coping,” he said.
Eugh… then we’re reminded of the fucking horse people and their constant comparisons of horses and people. But its not people is it, its just glue in its raw state. Like the cocoa bean before its a bar of awesome chocolate. Bitter, twisted, ugly and the colour of shit.
“It certainly doesn’t look to be an accident. It’s very close range and appears deliberate.”
No fucking shit, Sherlock!
But really? Close range? This guy is the fucking pits. No t shirt for you in prison sir, you can make enough licence plates to buy your fucking own…
Cheers to Matt for hooking me up with the original article.
Fucking horses ruin everything....
Fucking horses. They know how to ruin ANYTHING… including 4th July celebrations!
A Fourth of July parade in eastern Iowa turned to mayhem on Sunday when a pair of runaway horses lunged into the crowd and trampled 24 people, many of them children. At least one person was killed, and several others were seriously injured.
If that was the UK, horses would totally be exterminated right now. Seriously, they would be currently being lined up for a nice trip to the “showers”, Auschwitz style. Unfortunately for the people in Iowa, they learnt that horses are massive, massive cunts a little too late.
The chaos took place when two horses pulling a buggy got spooked and charged into the crowd at the Heritage Day Parade, a decades-old tradition that attracts thousands to Bellevue, a town of 2,300 people nestled along the Mississippi River. Bellevue’s fire chief, Chris Roling, said the two horses, both at the rear of the parade, bumped into one another, knocking one horse’s bridle off and causing it to bolt, followed by the second horse.
Got spooked? Unlikely. This was premeditated without a doubt. Those fucking horses had been planning this shit for years!
“I’ve been doing this 35 years and I’ve never seen anything like it,” he added.
Thirty five years then that they’ve been planning it…THIRTY FIVE YEARS!
“This is just something that happens that we can’t prevent,” he said. “It wouldn’t be any different from an accelerator sticking on a car and running through the crowd.”
It wouldn’t be any different from an accelerator sticking on a car and running through the crowd….
…only there IS something we can do about it! BAN ALL HORSES! Problem fucking solved. No more ruined 4th Julys. No more dead people. No more fuckface horses. I see no issue here…
Tags: 4th July Horse Attack, Guns dont kill people HORSES DO, Horses Declare War on US, Horses Kill People
Dennis Jackson is a legend of his own making. Not only was he smart enough to stay in school, he also proved that not everything they teach you is utterly, utterly useless in the real world. Take the Super Awesome Macuahuitl sword as a prime fucking example of that!
'Sheila, look at the teeth on THAT...!'
Seriously… take a second to take in how fucking awesome this sword is and the magnitude of pure horse hatred it possesses.
To quote Dennis himself:
Macuahuitl: “hungry wood”, essentially a wooden sword with sharp obsidian blades embedded into its sides. This was the standard armament of the elite cadres. Also known in Spanish by the Taino word “macana“. A blow from such a weapon was reputedly capable of decapitating a horse.
Holy fucking cock brigades! This sword is epic! To continue with this beautiful history lesson:
‘The macuahuitl was sharp enough to decapitate a man. According to an account by Bernal Diaz Del Castello, one of Hernan cortes’s conquistadors, it could even decapitate a horse: Pedro de Moron was a very good horseman, and as he charged with three other horsemen into the ranks of the enemy the Indians seized hold of his lance and he was not able to drag it away, and others gave him cuts with their broadswords, and wounded him badly, and then they slashed at the mare, and cut her head off at the neck so that it hung by the skin, and she fell dead.”
What a sword… what a mother fucking sword! I am currently unaware of any object of malice that possesses such a pure hatred for horses as this ancient Aztec sword does. That makes it THE MOST AMAZING HORSE HATING SWORD EVER CREATED!
Seriously…. if you happen to see one on eBay, you know where to shout…. 
Tags: Horse Hating Swords, Macuahuitl The Horse Hating Sword, THE MOST AMAZING HORSE HATING SWORD EVER CREATED!
Neither had I until my main man Robert hooked me up with this video…
Almost doesn’t look real does it?!
….
….another good reason to increase the speed limit around country lanes though…
Tags: Horse Hit By Rally Car, Horse Power, Spinning Horse Kick
Imagine my delight when I spot the words Man Vs Horse on the BBC News website! ‘Awesome‘ I though, some deranged nutbag has gone on a rampage and shot a load of horses in the Lake District…..
But no…. I was greeted by the following, very disappointing image.
Lamest Man Vs Horse Event Ever...
Eugh… not only were there no pictures of brass knuckles meeting gluebag faces, it was an article about people racing in a marathon against stupid fucking horses to see who’s the fucking fastest… what a crock of bollocks!
Note to BBC/Organisers of said Marathon: if you’re going to advertise something as Man Vs Horse, at least have the decency to ensure it actually contains an event where douchebag horses are being pitted against Man, preferably involving nun-chucks. Advertising retarded events where people with nothing better to do with their time than run in the hills at the same time as the lamest animals in the kingdom does not constitute the need for the word Vs. Thanks in advance, Horse Hater X
Tags: Llanwrtyd Wells, Man Vs Horse, Man Vs Horse Marathon, Marathon
Gert-Jan Van Cakenbergh not only has an awesome name, he also put me onto the details surrounding a great tale about Ros Beiaard, a Belgium tradition of a horse hater of Epic Proportions. This horse hating hero is called Reinout and was so strong, he killed a fuck face horse in one fucking punch. How cool is that?!
So I live in Belgium, and there’s a town called Dendermonde.Every 10 years, they have this huge event about a huge horse, there’s supposed to be some kind of legend to it.But now actually 100 000 people come to see this shitty wooden horse, and they all start to cry once the horse appears.
I couldn’t find an English explanation of why so many people would cry at the sight of the horse, so I can only assume they know they’re not going to be the first one to punch it, like the hero of the tale, Reinout.A few Wikipedia pages later and I am now a full blown expert and can use my horse hating translation service to ensure you know exactly what Ros Beiaard is all about!
LEGEND
Ros Beiaard - Douchebag Horse
Aimone, Lord of Dendermonde , had some beef with Charlemagne, some pussy ass horse lover that used to write deranged letters to the only anti-horse print of the day which Aimone wrote for. It was only when Mr. Aimone married Alice, a niece of Charlemagne, that his problems stopped and he pretended to not hate horses any more just to get him some poontang.
The couple loved fucking and had four sons: Ritsaert, Writsaert, Adel Aert and Reinout . Their father knighted each of the sons and their mother for a laugh gave them each a horse. Reinout hated the fact his father had become such a pussy whipped horse lover and was so annoyed with the lameness of this present, he killed the long face gluebag with a swift punch to the face.
Not content with the lousy gag, his mother gave him another horse, which he swiftly booted in the ovaries and it broke its loins right the fuck out.
Apparently though, cruising for bitches in Belgium means riding a horse, and in the following months Reinout went through a dry patch. He got desperate and picked the least douchetastic horse he could find, naming it Bayard; ironic really as Bayard is how you pronounce Sarah Jessica Parker in Dutch…
Reinout loved a good fight once in a while too. During a heated discussion at the court of Charlemagne, Reinout with one blow of his sword beheaded Charles’s son Louis just because he looked like a horse. Charles didn’t like them apples and Reinout and his four brothers were ordered to leave the kingdom on the back of Sarah Jessica Parker Bayard (hence the statue).
Unfortunately though, their horse loving mother ratted them out and they were swiftly captured. They were to have heavy millstones around their necks and were thrown into a river. The only possible chance of salvation was Bayard, but being a horse he was only out for number one and he sat neighing at the shore. Reinout drowned, much to the annual disappointment of horse hating Belgiums.
-FIN-
So there you have it. Belgiums cry at the sight of the big douchebag horse because the only epic hero their country has ever had died at the hands of a horse lover and wasn’t saved by the big ballbag horse they wheel out every ten years.
At least Reinout got to punch a horse in the face before he drowned so… perhaps you need a statue? Vienna has a couple that would be right up your street!
Tags: Bayard, Killing Horses in One Punch, Reinout, Ros Beiaard
Bat Horse? Are you fucking joking...?
Fucking Horse Cosplay. I mean, seriously… who thought it would be a good idea to dress a horse up like Batman? I mean we’re not talking a spare of the moment decision here. We’re talking about hours of measuring, sewing and fitting this fucker in this outfit. They even made it fucking shoes!!
Fucking horse people. They couldn’t leave cosplay to whiny 14 year old emo kids and fat perverts with a lolita complex… they had to put their own douchy spin on it, didn’t they. At least they picked the suitably lame 70s Batman and didn’t go all out to try and pull off a modern version. Christian Bale would’ve been heading down to punch it in its stupid fucking long face for ruining his gig if they had…
You couldn’t make this shit up, could you?! Fucking horse cosplay… *shakes head*…
Tags: Bat Horse, Bathorse, Cosplay for Horses, Horse Cosplay
EMBED-Horse Show Stunt Fail – Watch more free videos
Stupid fucking show horse. It’s that fucking retarded, it can’t even get a stupid trick right… its probably been practicing this shit for months to boot, the big fucking spaz..
Tags: Horse Stunts, Idiot Horses, Idiot People, Show Horse Fail
Horse Hater X Myths Debunked
Well howdy there! I’ve gone from a small band of horse hating followers and a handful of random horse lovers to a 25,000 hit in one day Super Site! A big thanks to Karen Alloy for the mention and direct link as well as to the currently unknown link/s from Facebook? Post it in my comments and I will come and say a personal thanks.
But wow! So many new comments and accusations and so little time to respond to them all! I’ve picked a handful of my favourites to ‘debunk’ in this post as its made my day to see how many passionate horse fuckers there are out there!
Let me start with the first question as it seems to form a lot of peoples angst in their comments…
It’s a simple answer really. No other animal I am aware of loves itself quite as much as a horse, other than Sarah Jessica Parker and she is pretty much a honorary horse anyway. No other animal has such a vacant and arrogant face looking back at you, waiting for its moment to pounce and rape your face. No other animal has such a band of utter, utter cunts that surround their very existence and visit sites on the internet dedicated to their hatred to post comments on how the author should insert insult here.
I mean, come on! You know why their isn’t a ‘I fucking hate dogs/cats/pigeons/ferrets/giraffes/boll weevils ‘ website? Its because there is no other animal that you can call a cunt and get the general nod of acceptance like you can with a horse. Pretty much everyone except a select band of people that visit this site hate horses. It’s just one of those facts of life, like all black people are all good at sports or all Asian people are good at maths. I’m apparently good at hating horses and that’s my contribution to society… we can’t all be rocket scientists!
I love the double standards some people yield. It’s not ok for me to hate horses, but it’s fine for you to be a homophobic cunt. Nice one, you fucking ball bag!
Lol… Show Horse you say? Wow…. I AM impressed! But no thanks, I don’t want to suck anything belonging to a glue bag horse but thanks for the offer!
Ooof. That’s cold! Dying is about as bad of a day as you can get really..
But anyway, thanks for the bedroom psycho-babble. Perhaps you could get your own blog and dissect peoples problems? I mean you’re spot on with your analrapist view that I hate horses because I hate myself… oh no… wait…. no… you’re totally wrong, fuckface.
To be fair, I don’t really have a problem with Zebras. Horses however…
Nice English there… nice fucking English!
Another LOL moment. Suck your dick if I can find it??? Seriously… how the fuck some people manage to breathe amazes me at times…
Yet you have a super awesome life and just happen to be here spreading your awesomeness..?
And run me over on a horse? How is that ever going to work?!
If you can’t spend a few dollars a year spreading your hatred of something, you obviously don’t hate it enough!
What the fuck else would you like me to put on the URL ifuckinghatehorses.com?! And for the record:
You‘re an idiot. None of this is humorous.
…and finally, my personal favourite…
Sums up the whole point of this site. Thanks for all the support and kind words, but a big thanks to Screaming Mime, you made my day!
Tags: Horse Lovers, Thanks, User Comments